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What started as a much-needed lift in feminine rights and equality has led to men's confusion regarding gender roles, and the problem is worsening according to San Francisco Bay Area dating advisor Carlos Xuma.
"We're in a crisis of male self-confidence," Carlos states. "Since the 70s and 80s, many single-parent families lacked a strong masculine role model for boys to bond with and learn from. Guys grew up into uncertain young men - and felt intimidated by the new gender roles in our society. They needed to know how to fit in."
Indeed, many women today report they are dissatisfied with the men they're meeting. "Deep down inside, women just want to feel protected," says Diane, a single San Francisco woman who has tried speed dating and online dating among many other methods. "Guys mistakenly hope to appeal to women by seeking our approval. They also avoid showing masculinity for fear we'll label them as jerks, but they forget that we need those qualities of strength and independence. I don't want a 'nice guy' to hand over all his power to me; I want the 'nice guy' who'll take initiative and be a confident, stable bedrock in my life."
So what is the solution to this problem? How do guys get back on track?
Carlos feels it's time to re-educate men to the realities of human interaction. "There's a reason women play 'hard-to-get,'" he states. "It WORKS. No matter what we say to the contrary, the games we play in courting are necessary social screening rituals. They're tests we subconsciously administer to filter out the people that don't attract us, while setting the stage for the ones that do."
The decision to become attracted to someone, he believes, is not a rational choice (as evidenced by many of the seemingly mis-matched couples out there.) Generating this feeling of interest from a prospective mate can be evoked by specific, common behaviors on the part of a man, according to Carlos. "Women learned these important social skills growing up while most boys neglected them in favor of sports and video games."
And, Carlos is quick to clarify, success with women isn't about becoming a phony or manipulative creep; it's about showing her the best MAN you can be up front, rather than hoping she stumbles upon your better qualities by chance.
What he teaches is a concrete framework and game plan for renewed confidence, which then reclaims a man's lost gender identity and gives him the edge on other guys. Looks may spark the initial chemistry, but it's commonly known that we're even more influenced by confident personality traits.
Want to put a twinkle in a woman's eye? Simple - demonstrate dominant 'alpha male' attitudes, such as self-confidence and a cocky sense of humor. At the same time, get rid of clingy behaviors - and stay relaxed during your meetings and dates.
"You don't have to be tall or good-looking to be attractive to women," Carlos Xuma says with certainty gleaming in his eyes. "If you can show a woman that you're going somewhere in life, she will want to come along for the ride."
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